Preface:
If we are laying all the cards out on the table, then it is time for me to admit that I haven’t been inspired lately. In the season of renewal and new beginnings, I feel as dead inside as the fallen Autumn leaves.
I spoke at length with an industry friend about my lack of inspiration to write on my blog because the majority of my content now finds itself on Instagram in the form of “micro-blogs”. What, then, is the purpose of this platform?
In truth, I have known it in my heart that this platform needs a change. I seek to inspire others to be empowered to feel comfortable in the clothes they wear, and I seek to affect real, positive change that will save our planet. Yet, I myself do not find my blog posts very inspiring lately.
My friend said to me, “Your space is yours to do with as you want.”
Wow. That hit me hard.
When I redesigned my blog at the end of last year, I already knew what I wanted my blog to look like. I knew what type of experience I wanted my audience (all of you) to have. Drawing inspiration from my favorite bloggers (Victoria Magrath, Lauryn Evarts Bosstick, and Sivan Ayla) and entirely unsure of why I was so scared, I made the decision to change my blog posts to reflect me.
My blog posts will take on a different voice, one that is different from my Instagram voice but one that is me all the same. I hope you will enjoy it, and as always, your feedback means everything to me.
On March 27th, 2019, my Aunt Gloria passed away.
She had suffered a stroke exactly 8 months earlier and had been battling ever since. It has been hard to describe the effect that my aunt’s condition had upon me, and the best way I can describe it as such: eye-opening.
It’s hard to know where to begin describing this situation, though I am aware that it is perhaps easier for me to address this than for my cousin, Chelsea, to begin expressing what losing her mother feels like.
My life has never lacked meaning, but it seemingly always lacked direction. I bumbled through high school at the strict instruction of my father, and I spent the majority of college being “rebellious”. Whereas most underwent a journey of self-discovery in college, I chose to have my moments of self-discovery post-graduation.
Along the way, I found my strengths, weaknesses, and passions, though several tears were shed along the way. Fights were fought, and I thought of running away from life more than once. Everything came crashing down when my aunt suffered a stroke.
Wow. Again, the situation warrants the usage of this word.
When I think of family, my mind immediately jumps to my mother, Mikhail, (alright, my sister Grace too), Chelsea, and my aunt Gloria (and my uncle Kenneth). Gloria was a second mother to me, and I was one of the happy recipients of her unconditional love. I spent the next 8 months being jarred awake.
Davante Adams of the Green Bay Packers recently said of Nipsey Hussle’s recent passing, “It is crazy that we wait till a great person dies to overload them with love and praise… what would this world be like if people showed that same gratitude and appreciation while they were here?”
We heard praises and stories of the great person that my aunt Gloria was. They were all true, but it left me wondering about the legacy we leave behind us and of the love I show each day to the people in my life and to the world around me.
I am guilty of not showing as much love and appreciation as I should; I often wondered if that was a result of my inability to feel entirely content, happy, and fulfilled with my life. No matter, however, because I thought to myself, “Did I want to spend the rest of my life in unhappiness? Did I want to spend the rest of my life not feeling fulfilled?”
In truth, there isn’t a huge, major piece of news that I have to share with you all. Outside of my decision to take sustainability seriously and pursue an MBA in the future, my life (and my purpose) remains the same, with one huge exception.
I no longer believe in living an unhappy and unmeaningful life.
Too many people are out there, living a lie. We see the liars, the cheaters, and the heartless everyday in the news and in our real lives. To truly honor my aunt, the best thing I can do is to I can live my life is to be the light and to strive to always live my life according to the highest morals and standards.
To truly honor my aunt, the best thing I can do is be happy and continue her work of spread love into other people’s life.
When we reprioritize our lives to place love as the highest importance, I truly believe that we are all capable of doing remarkable things with our lives. Moving forward in my personal and professional life, I will be leading my life and my perspective of the world from a place of love. Only then will I truly be able to find the peace in my heart that I have been searching for since realizing 8 months ago how truly unhappy I was with my life.
I am grateful to each and every one of you for following along, and in return, I hope to be able to show you the honesty and vulnerability that you deserve from those whose content you choose to absorb, starting with this post. I do regret not having more actionable content to provide for you all today on this blog post, but I hope that my musings have helped inspire you to begin leading the life you want today.
